My last two posts have rudely looked at the comedians DVD’s on sale over Christmas, and then judged them solely on the artwork of the cover. Now let’s see which is the worst.

Remember! You are judging the artwork alone. Not the content. Let us all just judge the comedians by their covers.

You can see all the covers in my two previous posts.

Hey, let’s have two polls! One for the worst, one for the best. Worst first.

And the best cover.

The Comedians part 2

December 19, 2010

Yesterday I put up a post where I took a look at the Christmas comedy DVD’s andpassed a few ill-judged thoughts on their covers. Everyone should have a comedy DVD for Christmas, but how to choose? Is it fair to choose purely on the basis of the artwork? No, not really.

But who cares? It seems few comedians care about their artwork. Or perhaps it’s just me who thinks the covers are all bizarre pieces of shit showing the comedian facing away from his audience and trying to do something ‘funny’ with his/her (though his) microphone.

Here’s some more.

Remember… I have not seen these.

Remember… I am not judging the act here. Maybe.

Ok, I suppose I am. Yes. Yes, I am, once again, judging a comedian by their cover.

Someone said never judge a book by its cover. But why not? The author must have approved the cover. They must be happy to have their art sold in such a way. If they were overpowered or overruled by marketing folk, then… well, they should have stood up for themselves.

It’s your work, your cover, take responsibility.

I deny any responsibility for the following opinions. I am sick. I am on antibiotics. I am not myself.

Here goes.

Eddie Izzard

Wow! Believe! What? Believe what? I don’t have to believe, I know Eddie exists. What am I supposed to be believing in? Or is it his belief?

He’s lit by a lone light. Or is it a star? He has a quote from the L.A. Times, so we know this comedian is a big fish, successful across the pond*.

The artwork is classy. I think someone may have been hoping for us to go… “Ooh! look! Eddie is a little like Dustin Hoffman!”

Or perhaps they want us to think he is a little like Jim Cavaziel.

I just don’t know. You decide.

* The pond is an informal term for the Atlantic Ocean. I believe.

Simon Amstell

This cover has some lovely shades of blue. A darker blue “cog crab” looms over the comedian. On closer inspection this “crab” has cats for hands. Then there’s the scary badge and the gold leaf hand holding a feather. This is not a DVD cover that has been hastily thrown together.

It is called Do Nothing Live. And that is a funny title. It makes me laugh. This comedian is excellent. He is called Simon and he looks like Harpo Marx. You decide.

Ricky Gervais

This cover makes me feel ill. I don’t like the colours and I don’t like the woman on the front.

I’m not even letting you decide on this one. It’s just too- I can’t write anymore.

You decide.

Dylan Moran

This comedian has a quote from The Telegraph, but this time online, making him more up-to-the-minute and with-it than Michael McIntyre (see yesterday’s post). Unlike McIntyre though, this one looks a little distressed. He seems anguished and he’s holding the microphone as if he can’t think of anything funny to do with it. There’s no photographer telling him to stick it in his ear (see yesterday again) and there’s no holding it out to us, the DVD cover viewer, as he grins to show us he is funny, his back turned on his paying audience. Indeed, there is no audience in sight! And the DVD is called “Aim Low”! Everything about this says avoid. But I’m going to recommend it to you. You decide though.

Trev and Simon

This is just awful. They can’t decide whether to smile or grimace and instead settle for some kind of sub-Next catalogue action pose. There’s no quotes and no mention of laughter. We are told it is stupid, but what kind of a recommendation is that? To make matters worse it’s a video and not a DVD. A redundant format for a product no longer available.

The backdrop is some kind of foul Mondrian mess-up, even worse than that awful shampoo ad from years back. Ok, it highlights some of the “characters” that we must assume are featured on the video you can no longer get, but even then the so-called characters just look like the same two blokes in funny costumes and wigs.

You can’t get hold of this one anyway so don’t even bother deciding.

You decide.

Woody’s name is muddy

January 12, 2009

What’s happened with Woody Allen? Ok, he ran off with his adopted daughter, or something like that (don’t hold me to anything lawyers, I’m just riffing on dubious memories), but that was years ago, and Hollywood’s always quick to forgive (take Kiefer Sutherland, done for drunk driving, beginning his next 24 hours of hell this very evening). So, assuming Woody’s forgiven, why the cold shoulder at the Golden Globe’s tonight?

Vicky Cristina Barcelona won a Golden Globe. At the Golden Globes. Tonight. For best Comedy or Musical. I’m guessing comedy. I haven’t seen it. And yes, for reasons that must make sense to someone somewhere, comedy and musical are lumped together.

So… VCB, as I’m choosing to call it… I can’t stay up late, I’m flying home tomorrow… VCB gets a Globe and everyone troops up to get it. A bunch of people. I don’t know, six or seven, or five. A little woman stands upfront to do the talking. I don’t know who she is; If I had more time I’d find out- I don’t like being rude. I’ve just realised, it may seem rude me failing to recognise her as a producer or, who knows, Penelope Cruz? But she was short.

Anyways, they troop up, she troops up, and the first thing she says is that she’s nervous. Nervous? What’s this? She starts off by pinching Woody’s shtick! What next? Will she be nauseous? So she speaks, and she speaks, thanks and thanks… and I’m thinking what about Woody? I’ve not seen the film, but he did direct it, didn’t he? And write it? So she gets to the end and says something like “oh, and thanks Woody.” And that’s it! Not even “Thanks Woody Allen.”

The whole thing took place, the film won a major award, and everyone was in denial as to Woody Allen’s contribution. Well, that’s not fair.

Earlier on in my break here in the States I babysat with my mother while my sister and her husband enjoyed a trip to San Francisco. They have Films on Demand here and so I demanded a Woody Allen film. We watched Love and Death.

Sonja, are you scared of dying?
Scared is the wrong word. I’m frightened of it.
That’s an interesting distinction.

I pinched that from here.

Give Woody Allen a break. If you’re going to give him a Golden Globe at least give him a proper name check.

Other Golden Globe trivia…

Well done Mickey Rourke, and nice tribute to the dogs. You’re right, a man alone can always rely on his dogs, or something like that.

Well done Alec Baldwin. Steve Carell in The Office is funny, but you beat him. ‘Cause you’re funny too. Well done 30 Rock. Well done Tracy Morgan for funny speech. Well done other funny people… Ricky Gervais, you had to work but you got there. Shame you’re not doing the Oscars. Sascha Baron Cohen hesitantly delivering some good jokes, but the audience somehow going all coy. Oh, and the guy from the American Office… Excellently following Kate Winslet with “We’re just TV actors” and pointing out that “the English actresses” stole the crying from you.

I’m going to get hard now because it makes me angry. Revolutionary Road, I suspect, will be most excellent. But how can I enjoy it when one of the parts of a work of art let’s down the said work by, well, crying like a big baby. A script doesn’t cry. a prop doesn’t cry. A light doesn’t cry. Actors! Learn your lines, do your job, and then… well, no then. Job done. Oh, Kate! Twice! And the second time I really did think I could see the performance. Is it really that upsetting? Is it really that big a deal? We’re you not just doing your job? Was it not just fun? Working with your husband? Having your kids on set? Could you not just have got up on that stage and, effectively, gone “whoopee! Thanks! Who’d a’ thought! Two!”

I’m sorry to rant. It’s out of place for me. But tonight I was a guest in America and Kate Winslet made me want to grovel an apology. I wanted to run on home.