Go Sober- Day Ten

October 10, 2013

Double figures! It’s a kind of an achievement. A third (almost) of the way there. The proper achievement is you lot giving, so far, £198 to Macmillan Cancer Support.

That’s what it’s for. That’s why we are Going Sober. For October.

Now! Here’s the rub. Here’s the tricky part:

This Saturday it is my brother-in-law’s 40th Birthday party. He’s not going to have many 40th Birthdays. As things stand, he’s just planning on having the one. And, I’m not going to drink. I can’t; it’s Go Sober.

But, the daft thing is, Go Sober have come up with this ruse whereby you can do the damned challenge but also sneak in the odd day of drinking here and there. It’s called a Golden Ticket.

Yes! I know what you’re thinking! You’re thinking (maybe. I don’t know really. I’m not psychic):

“So, you’re asking me to sponsor you to give up drinking, and now you’re asking me to sponsor you to drink? Isn’t that a bit like asking me to sponsor you to run a Marathon and then asking me to sponsor you to have a break in the middle? Like, say running for 12 miles, then jumping into a taxi, getting the taxi for ten miles, then jumping out and running the last four miles? And I have to pay for the taxi? Which is cheating anyway? Just to be clear, are you asking me to sponsor you to cheat? ‘Cos that’s what it sounds like. And to be honest mate, isn’t that a bit much? A bit rich? A bit of a fucking-“

Yes! Alright! That’s enough! There’s no need to swear!

“But I’m not even saying this! You’re writing it for me! And you’ve already admitted you don’t really know what I’m thinking! To be frank, it’s a-“

Yes! I get it! Just give me a minute. Hear me out. Let me say this.

“It better be good!”

It is.

“So you say.”

Look. I don’t want a Golden Ticket-

“Oh! That’s taken me aback!”

It’s not for me. I’d like someone to buy one for my wife.

“Zoe’s lovely.”

Yes, she is. And it’s her brother’s 40th, and I think she should be able to have a drink or two-

“How sweet of you-“

So I can take the moral high ground.

“You’re horrible.”

Hey, who knew. So? Will you buy her a Golden Ticket?

“Maybe. How much?”

A minimum donation of £15.


For Macmillan?

“You are such a manipulative-“

Watch it!

“If I do buy the lovely Zoe a Golden Ticket, where and how do I do it?”

Ah! You’re thinking about it-

“I’m not even me! I’m you pretending to be me!”

You’re confusing me now. So I have to buy her one?

“Only if no one else does.”

Let’s play it by ear. Bye.

“You’re done with me now are you?”

Yes. Bye.


(Long pause)

“Good luck!”

Thank you.

(Very long pause)

“Swing your pants!”

Ok… I think he/she has gone.

If you can help Zoe out here you’ll also be helping me out and Macmillan. You can buy her a Golden Ticket here.

Let’s end on a song.