All ten DVD covers have been reviewed… and one bogus one that sneaked in at the last minute as a result of Amazon’s Top Ten changing so radically between the 11th December and the 20th! Who knew Amazon could fiddle around with their lists so much; seemingly basing best on sales? Click here to catch up on yesterday’s Number 1.

And now it’s your turn. Three polls to vote in. Firstly, the best cover. Then, the worst cover. And, finally, the funniest.

Here’s a quick reminder of the contenders:

Comedy gala 2013

10- Channel 4’s Comedy Gala 2013

Peter Kay 2013

9- Peter Kay double pack

Kevin Bridges

8- Kevin Bridges: The Full Story boxset

Jimmy Carr

7- Jimmy Carr: Laughing and Joking

eddie izzard

6- Eddie Izzard: Force Majeure

Sean Lock

5- Sean Lock: Purple Van Man

Jack dee

4- Jack Dee: So What?

Bill Bailey

3- Bill Bailey: Qualmpeddler

Greg Davies

2- Greg Davies: The back of my Mum’s Head

Micky Flanagan

1- Micky Flanagan: The ‘Back in the Game’ Tour

And here’s the polls:

And for the last one, since a comedy gala has an unfair advantage, I have removed it and replaced it with yesterday’s surprise No. 1 choice on Amazon, Jethro!

it’s the countdown of the Top Ten comedy DVD’s! It started yesterday! It’s fun! And it overuses exclamation marks!

Yesterday we kicked of with number 10- Channel 4’s Comedy Gala 2013!

The rules are simple. I’ve picked the Top Ten from Amazon. I don’t watch them. I simply judge the DVD’s by their cover. This may, or may not, help you sort out your Christmas pressies.

So… here we go with number 9. And it is…

Peter Kay 2013

Peter Kay Double Bumper Comedy Compilation

This is a fascinating cover. Without having a copy of it in my hands I’m going to hazard a guess that the outer box is made of leather with embossed gold leaf lettering. Inserted into this almost Biblical presentation are two smaller DVD covers showing Peter Kay at his chirpiest best (the comedians fall into two categories- grumpy or smiley- and Peter Kay is one of the smiliest, currently rating 4th Smiliest Comedian in the Land).

(I cannot help but think of a high court judge seemingly reading The Times during his lunch break only for his cover to slip and reveal he is actually smiling at a topless beauty in The Sun. Or perhaps something even cheekier; a copy of Knave found under a bush in the park as he cycled into work, or a Donald McGill postcard of someone holding a garlic baguette in silhouette and a passing mother superior mistaking it for a cock.)

This is a Double Bumper Comedy Compilation including a previously unreleased documentary entitled Stand and Deliver. I have no details on the documentary, but, going off the title alone, it’s likely to be a documentary about Stuart Leslie Goddard.

As for the two DVD’s that make up this double bumper comedy compilation, the first is called Stand-Up UKay. Now, the title alone requires some in-depth investigation:

Firstly, Peter Kay is a stand-up comedian. That’s the ‘stand-up’ part dealt with. That’s the easy bit. Understanding ‘UKay’ is a little more complex: The ‘Kay’ part of ‘UKay’ refers to the comedian’s last name, Kay. But before that is a ‘U’. This can only be in reference to Edgar Rice Burrough’s fictional creation, Tarzan The Apeman, who was known for his primitive speech patterns, his most famous being “Me Tarzan, You Jane”.  But why then hasn’t the comedian referred to himself, and thus the DVD, as “Stand-Up MEKay”? It’s a puzzle. The only clear conclusion we can reach is that Peter Kay was raised as a feral child  by The Mangani.

So to the second DVD, Special Kay. Here we are promised ‘Golden bite-sized chunks of comedy’. And the photo shows Peter Kay eating these bite-sized chunks of comedy. This is unusual.

Having said that, just look at the size of him on Stand-Up UKay! He’s got one foot in the North West and another foot in Dorset! He needs to stop eating TV’s!

A few weeks back my mum went to hospital for one of her regular check-ups. While she was in the waiting room Peter Kay walked in. My mum couldn’t help but smile at him, and he smiled back. And then he went off for his appointment. My mum phoned me as soon as she could. She was excited. She wanted to tell me who she had seen and who had smiled at her. At the end of the call she said,“he was dressed just ordinary, like any man, nothing fancy, just in a shirt. Like a shirt from Primark.”

I should stress that what my mum was saying was a good thing. She was letting me know that, despite him eating miniature TV’s of his own shows for breakfast, here was a man that was not highfalutin or full of airs and graces.

The one thing that she didn’t say was that he was fifty miles high!

And I do wish she’d said to him, “You Kay, Me Pat.”

Oh! I’ve somehow drifted away from a DVD review. So… a 15 certificate on the left and a 15 certificate on the right. Suitable for 30 year olds.

And you can get it at Amazon for just £7.50. A Christmas present bargain.

Tomorrow, number 8.

Ok, here’s the last 5.

If you’re new to this, I’ve been taking a look at the Top Ten Comedy DVD’s according to Zavvi’s website. And I’ve been judging the DVD’s by their covers. Not the comedians, not the content.

They’re all, no doubt, excellent. Hey: they’re the Top Ten! But, occasionally, their covers confuse. Or enlighten.

One thing’s for sure; they are all ideal Christmas stocking fillers.

Here’s a reminder of 10 to 6 before we hit the Top Five.

No.10 – Dara o Briain.

No.9 – Mrs. Brown’s Boys

No. 8 – Roy Brown

No.7 – Frankie Boyle

No.6 – Jack Whitehall

Ok, no.5. Oh, and a little reminder; it’s nearly Christmas… all of my assessments are fueled by martinis.

No.5…

Peter Kay no.5

No.5 Peter Kay

It’s Peter Kay! He’s live, and he’s Back on Nights!

Here’s the thing; I hate daytime stand-up comedy. it just doesn’t fit. Unless it’s stand-up for kids. All proper grown-up stand-up comedy must take place at night. It’s a job prerequisite. If Peter is back on nights what was going on before?

With the exception of the job of stand-up comedy, being on nights suggests a working class necessity; a need to bring in money, a need to work unsociable hours to make ends meet. To be frank, I’m stumped.

The DVD includes over 55 minutes of NEW live stand up. But it doesn’t say how much over 55. I’m plumping for under 56, otherwise it would surely boast ‘over 56 minutes of NEW live stand-up’. And, without seeing the back of the DVD, there is no way of knowing what percentage of comedy time the new material takes up. Concluding this point, we can state with certainty that the DVD is at least 55 minutes long.

Peter has turned his back on his audience as he sneaks up on an (unqualified) ‘World Record Breaking Comedy’ plinth of sorts. His eyes twinkle, but his grin is yet to be revealed. He may, or may not, have some fingers missing.

The DVD is suitable for 15 year olds.

Here’s another take on being on nights.

Sarah Millican

No.4 Sarah Millican

No. 4 is Sarah Millican. It’s a brand new 2012 show.

She is the Queen of Comedy; that’s official; it’s a British Comedy Award. As far as star ratings go, she is rated a 15 star act; 5 from The Mirror, 5 from Metro, 5 from The Telegraph. That also manages to cover the three main political parties; Sarah has something for everyone.

She is thoroughly modern; a reference that manages to make her quaintly dated too.

30 year olds will like this DVD.

Join me tomorrow, when I’ll try and finish this off.