My daughter is dating David Platt and I’m not happy.

For those who know me you know I believe Coronation Street to be real. For those who don’t know me, you’ll most likely think I’m just being funny, or weird, or perverse. But the great thing about beliefs is that that’s all you need. Reason goes out of the window. I believe Coronation Street is real… so there!

And psycho David Platt is going out with my daughter!

My daughter is Kirsty Leigh Porter.

Kirsty Leigh Porter (pic courtesy of Holy Soap)

Kirsty was only my daughter for a day. Trev and myself were writing for a show called My Spy Family. Kirsty played Marcy Desmond, and in one of our episodes, The Quiz Night Affair, I played her father Mr Desmond. He was a wild haired weirdo. I didn’t have to do much. Just turn up.

But now she’s changed her name to Zoe and is slowly creeping into Corrie as bloody Platt’s girlfriend. I’m going to have to put my foot down.



The other day I had a meeting with Kindle, the company we wrote a few episodes of My Spy Family for. The plan is to make a film. All went well and if we can get some money together we’ll hopefully get it off the ground. Please feel free, if you are a millionaire, to give us some money.

Kindle are based at Hackney City Farm and every time I go there I spend about an hour wandering around the farm, saying hello to all the animals. This sheep says hello back:


The farm has a lot of volunteers and on this day they were busy painting the animals houses (barns? huts? hutches? pens?) but they were all soft, constantly complaining about the smell. They were just farmyard smells. The usual. Hay and bottoms.

The goose kept away.


But livened up a little when I stopped by for a chat.


Some troubled boys were there with their chaperone. The chaperone said to one of the boys; “it’s up to you. You can have a good day or you can make it crap for everyone.” The boy rolled his eyes, tutted, and flopped backwards, tapping at his mobile phone. A moment later he hid in one of the hutches, uncaring for the smell.

The pigs take their time, but just in case you thought they were dead:


Talking to pigs and geese.

December 12, 2008


Yesterday I had a meeting at Kindle, the people we wrote some episodes of My Spy Family for. They are based at Hackney City Farm. After the meeting I did my usual wander around the farm, talking to the animals. I do talk to them. I don’t care if there are others around who give me strange looks (people or animals). I talk to them, and some of them, mainly the pigs and the geese, talk back. The sheep keep quiet. So do the goats, but they like to be stroked, hoping against all hope that I will feed them. Larry the donkey didn’t talk, but did give off cloud after cloud of dust as I patted his back.

Yes, I talk to the animals, but that’s not why many people refer to me as Dolittle.