A year ago today I wrote my first blog entry. You can find it here. It’s a test one really, not about much; though in saying that I do Bobbin and Tess a disservice.

A year ago I was full of crazy excitement. Blogging was a new adventure. I hadn’t got a clue what I would write. I felt that bit by bit, writing at least a post a day, I would find my feet and discover why I was doing this.

A year on I’ve slowed down a bit. No post every day, but I try for a couple a week. And I’ve expanded. We’ve got the Trev and Simon blog on the go, and I’ve started 20th Century Mummified Fox– a blog where I can indulge in my love of films.

I still don’t know why I’m doing this. I haven’t found my feet. Of course it’s an indulgence; no doubt I am showing off, but showing off what? It’s not a comedy blog. It’s not some kind of confessional. I’m no film critic. Nor a photographer. But this blog is made up of bits of all of these. And lots of animals.

And it keeps me busy when times are tough. I enjoy it. And so, sometimes, do some of you. All of the people who come here and read or look, thank you. I know there’s lots of blogs out there, blah blah blah airline appreciation speech.

And thank you all for your comments. I enjoy reading them and I enjoy the interaction. And, to my pleasant surprise, the comments over the year have been thoughtful and considered, even when being critical. I haven’t, as yet, had to delete any for taking the chance to hurl abuse at me. Still, there’s time. My blog is just a baby.

Since the whole blogging thing is one enormous indulgence, for Mummified Fox’s first birthday I am going to pick some of my blog favourites from my 234 posts. One from each month.

November 2008- This and That’s Entertainment. Every year I go to Great Yarmouth to play pool. But which is best, Great Yarmouth or Las Vegas?

December 2008- Tommie Smith and John Carlos. I drag my family to see the Tommie Smith and John Carlos statue in San Jose.

January 2009- Murderer. Me, Trev and Cyndi Lauper have a close shave with Coronation Street murderer Tony Gordon.

February 2009- Deal or No Deal on the Dole. Ok, a bit of a weird one. this is a story about Deal or No Deal, Noel Edmonds, a luckless contestant, and Cosmic ordering.

March 2009- The Nazis. I drew them at school and only got a B+.

April 2009- A Nightingale sang in the 100 Club. A sort of review of the Nightingales and Ted Chippington.

May 2009- “Yes, I spent money on furniture”. Shadow Education Secretary Michael Gove and the elephant lamps we bought him. Including comments from the man himself (or so it seems).

June 2009- Pigs, a goose and a sheep. Just as it says.

July 2009- I’m going to cheat here and mention two posts. I’m not quite sure why it’s cheating; there’s no rules, it’s my blog. But at the top of this post I did say I’d pick one from each month, so yes, I am cheating. First Like the circles that you find– a guide to reglazing windows. And also RIP Rob. Rob sold the Big Issue outside Hither Green station. He died in July.

August 2009- Little and Large. My mum and dad used to go to The Talk of the North in the 70’s and see all the top acts. Years later I get to meet one of them.

September 2009- The Rogers Brothers and the Cox twins. The real life inspiration for two of our characters.

October 2009- Bigmouth strikes again. Possibly my most personal and indulgent post and also my most commented on.

So there’s some of my favourites for the year. If you click on any of them I hope you enjoy them. And if you do, please look at some of the remaining 221 posts.

I was going to use the blog’s first birthday to say why it’s called Mummified Fox. but I’m going to save that for next year.

Mummified-Fox-1st-birthday

Happy 1st Birthday Mummified Fox

Who you gonna call?

May 14, 2009

sleazebusters

Well something had to be done. When the going gets tough the lazy get blogging.

I’ve not asked Trev yet but I’ve set the two of us up as SLEAZEBUSTERS (proudly sponsored by CIGARETTES)*. And please, no smirking at the use of the word “busters”. It’s proper. I got it from Ghostbusters and they saved New York from the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!

Well, we’re going to save this country from the Puffed Up Cushion Man (aka  mild-mannered Keith Vaz.)

So here’s the plan. It’s fine all these MP’s going “Ooh, we’re sorry. Really sorry. We’ll all pay. You’ve caught us out. We forgot. blah blah blah, cry,cry, cry, wee wee wee. We’re honest really. As honest as you. Honestly. We all do it. Don’t we? Even Stephen Fry does it and he’s an angel and everyone loves him and he’s clever!” Yes, that’s one thing, but… oops, I feel a little digression coming on…

How do you forget you’ve paid off your mortgage? How does that happen? How do you forget when you’re suddenly £800 richer a month? When you’ve paid £800 a month for 25 years, how do you forget when that time is up? When my mum and dad finally paid off their mortgage, after twenty five bloody long years- when they finally owned the house they had slowly bought over a quarter of a century- well, I seem to remember they had a little celebration.  We used to have a little piece of fancy wood hung up on the wall. It said “God bless our (mortgaged) home”. They jumped up and down on it, danced a jig on it, they burnt it, they ate it.

To overlook £800 a month is a bit like, well, having more money than sense.

Back to business. SLEAZEBUSTERS (proudly sponsored by CIGARETTES)* offers a new way forward for our MP’s. We know they stuck by the rules and we know just how much it costs to remove a weasel motel from the chimney breast of an underground heliport (Oh, some poncey grandee is bound to have one), so we say keep your money! That’s safe! We say we don’t want it back!

Our policy is simple. We say That which has been bought with the money of the people now belongs to the people.

We say Hogg! Let us swim in your scummy moat!

We say Vaz! Let us sit upon your 24 cushions!

We say Huhne! Let us press our trousers inside your Corby!

We say Letwin! Let us win at tennis against you! Hard cheese!

We say Morley… Oh, that one’s slipped my mind…

You get the drift. It’s your money, they’re your things. All you have to do is collect them. Put your claim in now through SLEAZEBUSTERS (proudly sponsored by CIGARETTES)*.

Oh, but don’t even think of asking for Govvy’s Elephant lamps. I’ve got my eye on them. Go on Govvy, give us your elephant lamps and we’ll let you off the £134.50. (I feel I can call him Govvy after yesterday’s fun exchange in the comments box). Or at least send me a piccy that I can put up on the blog. Go on, please, Sir Lord Michael Gove.

And now the small and nearly invisible print…

* SLEAZEBUSTERS (proudly sponsored by CIGARETTES) will never break their own code of conduct. We give you these promises:

None.

We will, where possible, claim maximum expenses.

We will forget.

We will always apologise before doing the same thing again.

A word from our sponsors:

SMOKING IS FUN AND GOOD FOR YOU. AND BIG. AND CLEVER. LIKE STEPHEN FRY.

So says Michael Gove, the Shadow Education Secretary, but let’s just call him The Shadow. Watch him get angry here, courtesy of The Daily Telegraph. Things are coming to a pretty pass (whatever that means) when I start referring you to the Telegraph!

Did some of his furniture look like this?

elephant lamp 2Maybe. All we know for sure is that we bought him two elephant lamps for £134.50. That’s not a bad price for elephant lamps, though I could quite possibly pick on up in a pound shop in Peckham, for, well, around a pound? Overall though we got off lightly there and who are we to begrudge him the all-essential elephant lamp? Maybe he pushed his luck going for two, but then he does have two homes.

One elephant lamp in one home, another in the other. I wonder if he went for a matching pair? And if the elephants miss each other? He looks a kindly sort so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think he’d split up a pair. I guess his second elephant lamp looks a little like this.

elephant-lamp1

Though that’s an elephant lamp that would look more at home in a child’s bedroom and as we all know, MP’s above others, children’s equipment is banned under Commons Rules. What? He claimed for a £34.99 foam cot mattress from Toys ‘R’ Us? I’m not sure what shocks me most. The fact that he dragged an innocent child into the scandal or that the Shadow Education Secretary frequents a store with a backwards ‘R’. God forbid he ever gets in charge of our schools. He’ll introduce a new key on our computers to type a backwards R. Then he’ll do the rest of the alphabet. Then he’ll have us playing our records backwards. And before you know it Satan will rule the Earth.

You’ll see in the video that he is understandably livid. “I wanted to be honest”, he states. But he doesn’t mention the elephant lamps.

I wonder if it was this one?

ElephantLamp3

And why did he stop at elephant lamps? They’re not the only animal with the power of electricity surging through their trunks. Well, actually, they most probably are. I’m not sure what other animals have trunks (Oh yes! Tapirs! Tapir lamps!). But I’m disappointed that he didn’t go for a monkey lamp. What about the one below Michael? I haven’t a clue how much it costs but we’ll all happily club together and get you one. After all, we already have them. They’re what’s known as essential in our homes. I have good friends who have gone without heat, food and chimney sweeps just so they can have a monkey lamp. Here we see a monkey on top of two Jeffrey Archer novels, rolling a ball whilst dangling a lantern over his head with his tail. If your constituents don’t demand you get one immediately then they are idiots.

monkey lamp

Please watch him get angry and indignant. It’s very funny. Go on Michael! Get angry! Get indignant! It’s working. There’s no way you are making a fool of yourself.

michael gove

"I acknowledge that the whole system is rotten."