Four days in. So far we’ve had Channel 4’s Comedy Gala, Peter Kay, and Kevin Bridges. Who’s at number 7? Let’s take a look.

Jimmy CarrJesus Christ! Seriously… Jesus Christ! I’m not often one for blasphemy, but seriously. What the fuck? This has to be the scariest DVD cover since this:

Magic

Or this:

Childs play 3Or this:

liberaceIn case you’re wondering, no.7 is Jimmy Carr.

I’m speechless.

I’m judging all the Top Ten DVD’s by their covers by the way, not the content. And here’s what I know:

Jimmy Carr’s DVD is called Laughing and Joking. It has an 18 certificate. It’s (like the Liberace DVD) purpley. Oh, and Jimmy couldn’t find time, or wasn’t bothered enough, to pose for a cover photo. Instead, he sent along a hideous animatronic doppelganger made out of BHS clothes, Action Man Eagle Eyes, Action Man Hair (pre-realistic style), earwax, and The White Cliffs of Dover.

Truly the most astonishing DVD cover I have ever seen.

Tomorrow, number 6.

Magician’s Knee

July 27, 2010

I’m catsitting in Richmond. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again. I’ve also got to read over the second draft of our film (I write with Trev Neal). I’ve been told to prepare myself for the cuts ahead (no dopey, not the removal of the UK Film Council, the cuts in our screenplay to get the running time down). I also know, from all the e-mails flying around, that Trev is happy (ish). So, looking forward to a good read and, hopefully, a screenplay that might possibly someday somewhere get made, I went out to buy two things; a cigar and a beer. Then, a sit in the garden and a read.

Out on my cigar and beer hunt I overheard a woman on a mobile phone. She kept saying “magicians knee, magicians knee.”*

I like it. I wish I had it. I wonder what it is.

It’s got to be one of two things. Maybe three. Or four.

Most likely it’s a fake knee, a little like a hidden pocket. A prosthetic knee “cap” that flips open and in which you can store a pigeon.

That’s the most likely thing it is.

It could also be a medical condition. One of those medical conditions, like Tennis Elbow, where, until you get it, you have no idea what it is.

Possibly it is just the knee of a magician. It’s not all smoke and mirrors.

Or, and this is, sorry to say, the most likely explanation; she wasn’t saying Magicians Knee. She was saying something else, in a foreign language. Something I don’t understand.

Now to read and have a cigar, like the man in Misery.

* Magicians knee, magician’s knee, magicians’ knee- you decide.