What’s the best way to follow a semi-final where 8 goals are scored in 90 minutes, the first 5 coming within the first half hour? How about a 2 hour goalless draw? In the end, the second semi-final between Holland and Argentina went down to penalties. And the score was:

HOLLAND 2 (P) ARGENTINA 4 (P)

I’m no expert, (Have I told you that over the last 29 days?) but I think Argentina had the edge over most of the game. Not that Louis Van Gaal, the Holland coach, would agree. He said: “At the very least we were equal with them, if not the better team.” Ok, but you still lose.

And so sadly we say goodbye to @Braggovic. Well, not quite. Holland must now face Brazil and @Mojorainbw in the third place play-off. What’s the point of that? At the risk of sounding like a mardy teenager from some weak teen comedy set a few years back “get over yourselves, losers!” Here’s something me and Louis agree on, Louis stating: “In a tournament you shouldn’t have players play a match for third or fourth place.There’s only one award that counts, and that’s being world champion.” But, for the sake of the Tweepstake, I am going to quickly change my mind. All the best @Braggovic and @Mojorainbw (and, for the sake of world peace Holland, let Brazil win).

But back to last night. What was Van Gaal thinking? He took Van Persie off shortly before the end, missing out on one of his best hopes of a penalty scorer; he used up all of his subs so he couldn’t put freakishly long-armed goalkeeper Krul on (who did such a good last minute job saving two penalties in the penalty shoot-out with Costa Rica in the quarter-final); he left  regular goalkeeper Jasper Cillessen to stay in goal for the penalty shoot-out (a goalkeeper who has never saved a penalty in his entire professional career!); and, when two of his strikers refused to take the first penalty, he said ok to that. Some of his decisions leave me feeling he was trying to win the match in the two hours of play!

Oddly, all the press attention over the two semi-finals seems to have focused on the losers. Let’s not forget that Argentina won last night. Argentina; a team managed by a former Sheffield United and Leeds United midfielder: Alejandro Sabella played for the two teams for a short period in the late 70’s and early 80’s before returning to his home country of Argentina. And that’s about as boffiny as I’m going to get on that one, choosing instead to return to some manager lookalikes.

Here’s Holland’s manager Louis Van Gaal:

Louis Van Gaal in Going Home?

Louis Van Gaal in Going Home?

And here’s flat-nosed Hollywood actor Jon Voight:

Jon Voight - The Champ or The Chump?

Jon Voight – The Champ or The Chump?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “this is rubbish, he just picks any old men that are about the same age”. Well how about this one? Here’s Hollywood actor Jack Nicholson handling the truth:

"I can handle the truth!"

“I can handle the truth!”

And here’s Argentina’s coach, Alejandro Sabello at a press conference:

"No! I never met Brian Clough at Leeds United!"

“No! I never met Brian Clough at Leeds United!”

And that’s it for today. A few days off even. If you’ve just read this and have no idea what’s been going on for the last 29 days please sponsor me just for the hell of it here. The plan is to raise £1966 for Alzheimer’s Society. It’s like a sponsored thing, but without me doing anything too strenuous; just writing and looking for funny photos. Bye for now.

 

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Gail’s gay dad

July 17, 2009

BloodYesterday I had time to kill and so I used my pay monthly film pass to go and see the entertainingly awful Blood; the last Vampire. I knew nothing about it and I know nothing of the anime original, so anime boffins out there, don’t give me a hard time. This is very much a Roy Walker style review, if you get my drift.

Go and see it. You won’t be disappointed. It’s truly rubbish. And it’s only 80 minutes long. You’ll find nothing new here. It’s your standard half vampire/half human schoolgirl takes on the baddy vampires type of stuff. It’s Buffy meets Blade. It’s Bluffy.

Here’s why you should see it. The film obviously couldn’t afford any big stars, so they’ve gone and got characters from English soaps to try and pretend they’re Hollywood big-shots. Look! There’s Larry Lamb (dad of George) from Triangle and Eastenders doing his best to be Jon Voight. And he does a good job. But it’s still Larry Lamb, dad of George, rather than Jon Voight, dad of Angelina.

And who’s this sinister character who only gets one scene that doesn’t really make any sense? Why, it’s Gail’s gay dad from Coronation Street. You might also recognise Gail’s gay dad as the Nazi who wrestles with Harrison Ford atop a tank in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. We need more actors like Michael Byrne (Gail’s gay dad) and Ian Mckellen, who popped up in Corrie as dodgy novelist Mel Hutchwright. More actors who can play Nazis and mutants and wizards… and then pop into The Rovers for a pint.

And my favourite; Liam Cunningham. A fine Irish actor with many great performances behind him no doubt. But not this one. It’s not his fault. I’m guessing the producers asked for a Harvey Keitel type. Grizzly bearded, wearing a fedora and shades, he goes for the Harvey look but in the end comes across more like an Elvis Costello tribute act.

Liam Cunningham

This film is an 18 certificate. What on earth were the BBFC thinking? Ok, so a samurai sword pierces someone’s eye, but come on, you get that in your average episode of High School Musical. This film should be a 15 at the very very most. Ideally a U. It’s bloody, yes. But only in a bubbly CGI kind of way. The last thing Blood; the Last Vampire is, is a film for adults.

If you are unlike me and don’t have time to kill; if your time is precious; then avoid it. But if you like a laugh, go.

And if you like vampire films, but good ones, why not try these? Near Dark, 30 Days of Night and Let the Right One In.

Watch the trailer for Blood; the Last Vampire here. My favourite bit? The caption “from a producer of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”.

Say what you see.