Oh bloody Tesco!

April 16, 2011

When will I learn? Bloody Tesco! Is it their aim to give middle-aged pedants like me heart attacks? Are they wilfully immoral? Are they crooks?

They are most certainly disingenuous.

After paying and then seeing (yet again) that I had been conned, I queued at the queuing place; an area, perhaps unsurprisingly, where there is always a queue.

My gripe? I’m shopping in Manchester for my mum and I’d taken up the Tesco’s current stir fry offers. So far, so good. I also bought some meat; pork and beef. Each pack with a large sticker on it declaring “any two for £6”. Individually they were £3.50 each. I was charged £7, not £6.

At the counter I have to empty my bags, like being stopped by Customs and Excise. Even Tesco; especially Tesco; should realise that after the ordeal of going around one of their stores we all feel like we do after a long haul flight; please, don’t make us empty our bags, just let us get home to sleep.

Tesco lag.

The customer person explains that I didn’t get my meats for £6 because I bought two different meats. To get two for £6 you have to buy two the same. So… they’re not “any two for £6”? Yes, she explains, they are, as long as they’re the same two. So that’s not any? Is it? Am I mad? Shouldn’t the sticker say “two for £6”?

I sigh like a man desperate for death, and tell the poor woman that Tesco is at best “disingenuous”. I then walk away.

Out in the car park I feel bad; bad for being a bit narked with a member of staff who can’t be compared to the cheap old line of ‘just following orders’ and bad because yet again Tesco have made me feel worthless in not standing up for myself. I go back, queue, and then apologise to her for being a bit grumpy. Then, nicely, I ask her if she’ll pass my thoughts on, because I do feel that Tesco creates deliberately ambiguous policies when it comes to their special offers. She agrees and tells me that they often have to deal with these kind of complaints.

DO YOU HEAR THAT TESCO? YOUR STAFF AGREE THAT YOU SET OUT TO TRICK CUSTOMERS AND THAT YOUR PHRASING ON SPECIAL OFFERS IS, AT BEST, DISINGENUOUS.

Although, to be fair, the member of the staff didn’t use the D word.

Tesco, you are crooks.

Any: one or more without specification or identification.

It would be nice for any member of Tesco’s staff to respond to this. Of course, when I say any, I mean David Reid.

Now I’m getting angry

March 25, 2010

I never intended, honestly, to go to war with Tesco. The ginger beer thing was just a bit of fun; an anomaly maybe, where one item was perhaps accidentally mispriced and inappropriately placed in a confusing offer category. Maybe. Perhaps. Surely Tesco can’t really be operating a policy of deliberately trying to confuse their customers with misleading offers.

Well, today I headed there to get something for lunch and also for tonight. I’m lazy and unhealthy so I plumped for a ready meal. I only needed the one. I’m no good at planning ahead. How can I know today what I might feel like eating tomorrow? But the offer was there; Indian meals, 2 for £5. So I went for a lamb rogan josh (£2.70) and a chicken masala (£2.80). I didn’t really want the two – I don’t know when I’ll eat the second one – but it seemed foolish to buy one when I could save myself 50p.

Except I couldn’t and I didn’t. Admittedly there was no yellow sticker on the masala or the korma, but this sticker led me to believe they were in on the deal.

It says Tesco Indian meals 350g- any 2 for £5. I checked both. They were both Tesco Indian meals and they were both 350g. But it seems the tikka masala is exempt. Confusing, no? Or am I just an irritable old man? I complained as much as I could, which turns out to be more like a polite enquiry. But all I got was that it wasn’t included in the offer. I stood there and took some photographs and the guy got edgy. I muttered that Tesco were unbelievable and I left the shop. I’m sure I’ll be barred soon.

However, it’s a crafty thing Tesco have got going here. The more they annoy me the closer I get. I’ll be going there everyday from now one to see what more crappy nonsense I can find. Sorry Co-op.

Tesco is unpredictable

March 24, 2010

At the least. Those of you who have been following the Tesco ginger beer saga prepare yourselves for more fun and games. if you haven’t been following it you can catch up by scrolling down a few blog posts or two. Here it is in a nutshell. A monkey nutshell.

Tesco sell Old Jamaica Ginger Beer for 52p a bottle. Or two for £1.70. Making an extra 66p for themselves on top of any other profit.

A few days later Tesco put the price up by nearly 40% to 72p a bottle. Still two for £1.70. Making an extra 26p for themselves.

And then Tesco were out of ginger beers. Except they weren’t.

So, like Robert De Niro in Casino, I thought that’s that. Today I went to Tesco, resigned to the almost absolute certainty that my Tesco Ginger Beer Hounddog days would be over. Well, they’re not. Thanks for keeping this going Tesco, you money grabbing nutters!

So, within the last week Old Jamaica Ginger Beer has gone up almost 60%. If this continues it won’t be long before we’re saving ourselves money on your Any 2 offer.

It’s about time we had a poll on this Tesco thing. Oh, and in this one you can vote for more than one.

Tesco is crazy

March 22, 2010

Tesco is? Tesco’s are? I’m still not sure, and the more I visit Tesco the less sure I get. About everything. If you’ve been following my Tesco saga (If not, and you really want to, then just read my last two posts) you’ll know I’m concentrating on the Ginger Beer end of the Tesco Two for More Money campaign. This is where Tesco offer you the chance to get two items at a higher price than they would be if bought separately (not, incidentally, a bulk purchase where the cost per unit proves higher – another devious mind mess altogether- but two separately packaged units that surely should only ever equal a simple 1 plus 1). So, for a while you could get a ginger beer for 52p or two for £1.70. Then the price went up. A ginger beer for 72p or two for £1.70. It’s surely a Tesco win all the way. Today though I was bewildered to see this:

Not only have Tesco messed with my mind-maths, they’ve now made me hallucinate. And what’s more, I can photograph my hallucinations. I don’t know whether to thank them or… I can’t think of an alternative. Thank you Tesco.

Oh, a little footnote: At the counter, the woman in front of me was pointing out that the ready meal she was buying for £1.50 was on offer; three for £5. She wanted to know how this was meant to work. The member of staf said it must be a mistake. ReallyTesco?

Tesco is cheeky

March 19, 2010

Yesterday I wrote about the shocking scandal going on at my local Tesco in Hither Green where they sell ginger beer for 52p a bottle, or £1.70 for two!

Well, today I was fired up. I was going back there to buy two bottles. If they charged me £1.70 I would act outraged and declare that I was taking my case to Roger Cook. If they charged me £1.04 I would demand that they honour their special offer and take another 66p of me (an intriguing number that is two thirds of the Devil). Then, I would act outraged and declare that I was taking my case to Roger Cook.

But today Tesco got the better of me. My heart sank when I saw this:

They’ve scuppered me. They’ve changed the price! At first, and in my first draft of this post, I got confused and thought that they were now offering me a saving. But, as you can see from the comments, it is now doubly evil. Not only are Tesco making a free 26p for themselves on the sale of a pair of ginger beers, but they’ve also gone and put the price up by nearly 40% overnight! What kind of things go up 40% overnight? Now I’m outraged again. I’m tempted to take up the issue with Lynne Faulds Wood or John Stapleton.

I thought I was on to something; Tesco deliberately targeting those with dyscalculia (dyscalculiacs?) for their own financial gain. Or people who can add up but are just idiots, like me. (Though it seems now, I am both).

So what’s going on? An error, an oversight? I’d understand the underhand if now, as I first thought, it was a mistake and there was a genuine goods offer to be had. But now I’m so confused. This offer had been there for over a month and then, overnight, it disappears. So, that’s good? But no. The price has gone up, but it’s not gone up enough. For me to be happy Tesco would have had to put the price up to at least 86p a bottle. Then I could save 2p, whilst at the same time giving Tesco the extra 66p for nothing. is this making sense? Are you keeping up? I’ve changed this so many times today to try and get to the heart of Tesco’s darkness.

So, at first, on seeing the changed price tag, I was sad, dejected, despondent, other words that mean all that. Then I lowered my head and saw:

Hurray! Tesco really are messing with my head. they are relentless and shameless monsters. They just switch things around! Shake things up a bit. Hope we won’t notice.

Now, a serious point. On yesterday’s post Michael made the following point:

For fear of sounding like a sympathiser, the offer does state “330ml-500ml drinks” so maybe a bottle of Coke, or Pepsi, (other drinks also available) cost more than 85p each?

However, that doesn’t negate the fact that anything under the 85p threshold shouldn’t be included at all.

He’s right. And, even though it’s mischevious on Tesco’s part, it is a defence. It’s their get out of jail free card.

Well, it was. How about this:

Fruit Shoots! 80p each or two for £1.70. An extra 10p for Tesco.

Yes, you can mix and match your 330ML-500ML drinks until you have scrabbled yourself to some sort of a bargain. But Fruit Shoots are only 300ML.

Tesco are cheeky, mean, rubbish and misleading.

Fruit Shoots You sir!


Tesco is rubbish

March 18, 2010

I’ve thought long and hard about the title of this post. Well, ok, a few seconds. It was going to be Tesco is Stupid, or Tesco is Barmy, but then I realised, Tesco (or Tesco’s… I’m confused on this one) have cleverly found a way of getting their customers to pay more for two identical products than they would have had to pay if these products were bought separately.

If anything Tesco is Clever, or Tesco is Scheming, or Tesco is Evil… but that’s stretching it a bit. The truth is, trying to fool customers with a two for one offer which bumps up the price is just really, well, a bit rubbish. Tesco, you are rubbish.

This sign has been up in my local Tesco in Hither Green for over a month now. If you live locally why not go and have a look, have a laugh, take photos, mock the shop.

Weeks ago I pointed it out to a member of staff (I’m not trying to be awkward… much… I just like to hear the corporate response). The member of the staff said “I know, but we can’t take it down. It’s to do with Head Office”. This confused me. It seems he’s implying that Sir Terry Leahy, CEO of Tesco and second runner-up in the 2006 Rear of the Year Competition (I love Wikipedia), came up with the fiendish plan to make 66 pence worth of free money out of any poor fool who happens to fancy a couple of bottles of ginger beer. This Sir is paid £1.3 million a year and he spends his time thinking of plans to make fools out of the nation’s ginger beer drinkers? It seems a bit far fetched. And why has he singled out ginger beer? Why not, say, a bottle of Brunello Poggio Alle Mura Banfi 2004 at £34.98 a bottle, two for £136.56? I suspect it’s a class thing.

I’m such an idiot that tomorrow I think I might go and buy two bottles of ginger beer. Just to see. I like ginger beer anyways. I wonder, will the till automatically ring up £1.70? I do hope so. I’d be disappointed if it only came to £1.04. I’d demand they demand their money back.

Wish me luck.

Well done Tesco (Tesco’s… I just don’t know) and Sir Terry Leahy for finally beating the Co-op as my favourite crap supermarket.