No! These are the “mother of all wigs”
June 21, 2009
What does Lembit Opik know about wigs, the cheeky bugger. How dare he use our money to buy a cheap and nasty nylon wig for £19.99 and then claim it is “the mother of all wigs”! If he’s going to use our money to buy a wig he should do the decent thing and get a bloody good one.
These are proper wigs, made from human hair. Yes! Real human hair! From poor people… Wait a minute, I can’t remember now… They’re possibly made from horse hair. From poor horses. One way or another they are proper wigs and they cost £14,700 each. And guess what? We didn’t buy them! No! You did! You, dear taxpayer, bought these wigs and hundreds more for us to wear on a regular basis between 1987 and 1997.
Feel free to kick up a fuss. We weren’t at a charity event with a Cheeky Girl on our arm. Our justification for such a profiligate waste of your money is that we wore these wigs to entertain the nation, but let’s be honest; we wore them to entertain ourselves.
Please feel free to complain to the BBC. And to make matters worse and to give you even more cause to kick up a stink, we were paid to wear them. I know! It’s shocking! It’s an outrage!
Lembit’s wig would undoubtedly have been rubbish and not funny at all. This is how he would have looked if he’d used our money a little more wisely and spent a few hundred quid on a proper hair topping.
Look at him. That’s much better isn’t it. You’d kiss him wouldn’t you? In that wig, I’d kiss him.
Damn these politicians and their perks. Second homes, moats, duck houses, elephant lamps- No wonder the cheekiest of girls fall for them (mind you, they don’t stick around once the Telegraph comes a-calling). If only I could hang around with a Cheeky Girl at some daft charity do or suchlike, say, a Tracey Beaker special for Children in Need from a few years back. W-w-w-w-w-wait a minute!!!