Pasaje del Terror revisited
June 13, 2009
Well, not quite. I’ve not entered the passage yet and something tells me I never will. A while ago I wrote about the (or el) Passaje Del Terror at the grim Trocadero and the other day I found myself standing outside. I was waiting for my friend David, who wanted to take me to a film, or the Terror Passage, as a thank you for helping out with his 50th birthday celebrations. I was there a little early; early enough to be stopped by two charity people, both representing the same charity. I told them not to bother; I have no money. I’m not sure they believed me. They cottoned on that I was that bloke off the telly; so I must be rich. That was a long time ago and I have been unemployed for forty years. I told them I have no home, a teenage car, I eat cardboard and toenails, but no one believes this.
The Passaje Del Terror employs 15 actors to scare you. One of them stood outside. He was tall and lanky and dressed like an undertaker. But his white shirt was so thin you could see his skin through it. I suspect the company makes its actors buy their own white shirts and they all trot off to the Pound Shirt Shop. I have better shirts and I haven’t bought a new one since 1854. He had white make-up on to give him a deathly palour, but this poor young actor was so wasted I think it might have brightened him up.
When David arrived we were approached by the official Passage Del Terror man. Not scary at all. Just a man who looked like he might be able to get a cab for you. He asked us where we were from. We told him because we are obedient types. He wrote something down on a Passage Del Terror leaflet. Then he squiggled something on it that may have been his signature but could just have likely been a cursed mark spelling our doom. He told us we could go in for half price with this card- £10 each instead of £19.99 each. Ok, not quite half price. But nowehere does it tell you how much this is. Not outside, not on their website. They’re making the price up as they go along it seems. He could have said £25 each, or £1400, or £2.20. All the time I had been waiting I didn’t see anyone go in or come out. I fear the Passage may not be there for much longer.
David asked if the actors would touch us. The man said absolutely not. We decided it wasn’t for us.