“Yes, I spent money on furniture”

May 13, 2009

So says Michael Gove, the Shadow Education Secretary, but let’s just call him The Shadow. Watch him get angry here, courtesy of The Daily Telegraph. Things are coming to a pretty pass (whatever that means) when I start referring you to the Telegraph!

Did some of his furniture look like this?

elephant lamp 2Maybe. All we know for sure is that we bought him two elephant lamps for £134.50. That’s not a bad price for elephant lamps, though I could quite possibly pick on up in a pound shop in Peckham, for, well, around a pound? Overall though we got off lightly there and who are we to begrudge him the all-essential elephant lamp? Maybe he pushed his luck going for two, but then he does have two homes.

One elephant lamp in one home, another in the other. I wonder if he went for a matching pair? And if the elephants miss each other? He looks a kindly sort so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think he’d split up a pair. I guess his second elephant lamp looks a little like this.

elephant-lamp1

Though that’s an elephant lamp that would look more at home in a child’s bedroom and as we all know, MP’s above others, children’s equipment is banned under Commons Rules. What? He claimed for a £34.99 foam cot mattress from Toys ‘R’ Us? I’m not sure what shocks me most. The fact that he dragged an innocent child into the scandal or that the Shadow Education Secretary frequents a store with a backwards ‘R’. God forbid he ever gets in charge of our schools. He’ll introduce a new key on our computers to type a backwards R. Then he’ll do the rest of the alphabet. Then he’ll have us playing our records backwards. And before you know it Satan will rule the Earth.

You’ll see in the video that he is understandably livid. “I wanted to be honest”, he states. But he doesn’t mention the elephant lamps.

I wonder if it was this one?

ElephantLamp3

And why did he stop at elephant lamps? They’re not the only animal with the power of electricity surging through their trunks. Well, actually, they most probably are. I’m not sure what other animals have trunks (Oh yes! Tapirs! Tapir lamps!). But I’m disappointed that he didn’t go for a monkey lamp. What about the one below Michael? I haven’t a clue how much it costs but we’ll all happily club together and get you one. After all, we already have them. They’re what’s known as essential in our homes. I have good friends who have gone without heat, food and chimney sweeps just so they can have a monkey lamp. Here we see a monkey on top of two Jeffrey Archer novels, rolling a ball whilst dangling a lantern over his head with his tail. If your constituents don’t demand you get one immediately then they are idiots.

monkey lamp

Please watch him get angry and indignant. It’s very funny. Go on Michael! Get angry! Get indignant! It’s working. There’s no way you are making a fool of yourself.

michael gove

"I acknowledge that the whole system is rotten."

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19 Responses to ““Yes, I spent money on furniture””

  1. Michael Gove said

    Your links are borked. Looks like you copy/pasted the wrong ting a ling.

  2. Simon Hickson said

    Cheers Michael. haven’t heard the term “borked” before, but looked it up and like it. The link is hopefully unborked now. I am jealous of your elephant lamps.

  3. Michael Gove said

    Thank you. I do want to be honest, you know. I thought I made a decent fist of it there, actually.

    And I do have a monkey-lamp. At least, that’s what my wife calls it.

  4. Simon Hickson said

    That’s good to hear. Hopefully new rules will mean you will all spend your own money. In the meantime the press can carry on searching for the more comical items money has been spent/wasted on. So far you and Keith Vaz are top trumps with the elephant lamps and 24 cushions. Oh, and whoever it is who has a moat.

  5. Michael Gove said

    Ah, the moat. Yes, that was old Hoggie – ironic name, don’t you think? Some say, the moat’s there to keep the old devil in – no bad thing, considering – think the claim was made in error, however.

    The housekeeper was an absolute must, though. You should see the state of the place!

  6. Simon Hickson said

    If you are indeed Michael Gove get back to work! Now!

  7. I was once caught with two industries – mining and steel. Well, you can be sure I got rid of them before any journalist came sniffing about.

  8. Andrea said

    “top trumps” – love it!

  9. Andrea said

    PS Simon you need to add a poll to this post. Possibly ‘Which is your favourite animal lamp?’

  10. Simon Hickson said

    Good thinking. Will do.

  11. Andrea said

    and this is spot on, incidentally –

    http://www.craigmurray.org.uk/archives/2009/05/hung_by_their_o.html

    – I may have to start following Craig Murray’s blog also. 🙂

  12. Trevor Neal said

    That Michael Gove is Flippin’ Crazy!

  13. Ben Norris said

    Of the 5 lamps you show us in your blog I think the most unusual is the fifth one, the “Bewildered Tory” lamp.
    Although by the looks of things it wouldn’t exactly “light up the room”

  14. Ben Norris said

    Also.. I’d like to know what kind of a person has a bird cage coffee table ?
    As if it’s not unpleasant enough for the poor bird being kept caged up but add to that the indignity of looking up at Maxwell House ring marks.. a disgrace.

  15. Moon Beever said

    The latest dirt digging concerns Labour MP, Elliot Morley, who sounds like a firm of solicitors, Elliot Morley and Courtout. Apparently he forgot that he had paid his mortgage off, but still claimed £800 a month for 18 months. I forgot to put the bin out last week, but I remembered this week. Is there anything you have forgotten to do, for 18 months?

  16. Andrea said

    I swear I saw Michael Gove on the concourse at Victoria station this morning. Michael, was that you? You were carrying some sort of gift bag. As well as a smart man-bag.

  17. Simon Hickson said

    For 18 months I forgot to get up. I stayed in bed, asleep, for a year and a half. I still claimed for shoes though.

  18. Andrea said

    “Mooooon beeeever, wiiider than a miiiile…”

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