Annoying Richard

January 28, 2009

freds-weather-mapMe and Trev have been doing a bit of reminiscing, it comes with getting old. Some of the things we talk about are true and some are false. Sometimes we can’t tell the difference. Did FieldAid ever happen? Here’s something that did happen.

We appeared on This Morning with Richard and Judy a few times back in the 20th Century. They had a man called Fred who did the weather; from a floating mini-UK and Ireland harboured in the dock. I know, to all foreign readers you’re starting to think I’m making this up. I’m not! It’s true! look at the photographic evidence. Fred would jump from the Lake District over to Ireland. The first time we appeared on the map, we both jumped with him, but I missed. I fell in… that caused a bit of a fuss, but that’s another story.

They liked us on the show, and because we’d caused a fuss on our first Fred/map visit, they invited us back for their last show of the series (let’s be swanky and call it a season finale). This time they wanted us to come up out of the water. That’s why we’re dressed like rejects from a Thunderball/Spongebob Squarepants convention.

So, it’s live TV, and the floating weather report comes towards the end of the show. We’re told by one of the production team that we must clamber aboard the map, muck around a bit with Fred, then race up to the studio where Richard and Judy will have a quick chat.

freds-weather-map2

But this was no ordinary season finale. This season of This Morning had been a bit of an ordeal for both Richard and Judy. Richard had been falsely accused of wine robbery; all worked out well, but he had had a bit of a year of it. And he chose the end of the  show to deliver a moving tribute to Judy for standing by him and being his rock. But nobody bothered telling us two flippered idiots. We were just quickly ushered in to stand either side of them and await the interview that never came.

Trev stood to the left of the ever-patient Judy, I stood to the right of Richard. We were in wetsuits and we were dripping wet. Trev held a big plastic crab and I held a big plastic lobster; dripping crab and dripping lobster. We waited for the chat, and as we waited, we waved the plastic crustaceans over the heads of our hosts. Who wouldn’t? Well, most people. But that’s the kind of thing we do. We do it very well.

Richard was mid flow in his praise for Judy,  his eulogy moving many to tears. And then he realised a plastic lobster was being waved above his head. Maybe it was the dripping. Maybe the squelch of a rubber suit betrayed us. Or the perfume of the Mersey. Richard stopped talking. He turned to me and I thought “Ah, here comes the interview”.

“Stop it!”, Richard demanded. And so I did.

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2 Responses to “Annoying Richard”

  1. Trevor Neal said

    I remember it well. Can’t remember staying for a drink afterwards though – but surely we did? – there must have been loads of free wine – “Drink up lads” they probably said – “there’s plenty more where that came from!” Needed something to wash down those plastic crab sandwiches that Richard force fed us when we went off air.

  2. I remember watching that! The photo is priceless.

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