Shift Run Stop

Last week I was a guest on Shift Run Stop, “a free comedy podcast full to the brim with games, geeks and special guests. Brought to you by Leila Johnston and Roo Reynolds”.

Leila and Roo have been asking me and Trev to pop along for quite a while, but it’s just been too difficult, what with Trev now living in Tristan da Cuhna.

So just me went along. And talked and talked and talked. I don’t get out much and I don’t see many people, so they just couldn’t shut me up. They’ve managed to edit it down to a listenable half hour. I think I went on for an hour and a half. Still, at leats they’ve done the decent thing and edited out the bit where I was rude about Peter Kay. In case you’re thinking you’ve missed out on something big there… well, you haven’t.  Read this though, by Stewart Lee, officially the 41st Best Stand Up Ever (unofficially, the Best Stand Up Ever.)

Find out the truth about Don Draper. Find out about Marti Pellow and the kids in the basement. Oh, and that bloody Five Star thing crops up yet again. Also, the time we worked with Charlie Brooker. My tips to aspiring comedians (I know, I know, just ignore anything I say. What do I know). And other bits.

Anyways, here it is to hear here.

Thank you Leila and Roo for inviting me along.

Roo and Leila being serious

Useless dragons

Trev and Simon Podcast No. 7 is now up and running and to celebrate it, here’s a photo of me and Trev from when we auditioned for Dragons’ Den, but were turned down.

Deborah Meaden and Theo Paphitis

Trev and Simon Podcast no.6

We recorded Trev and Simon Podcast no.6 last Friday and now it is up and running. You can find it over on our Trev and Simon page. We’ve had to put a warning on it though, because I swear. Sorry.

Trev and Simon podcast to be recorded tomorrow

Look at us! In a cafe, with hair and itchy chins, our futures unknown and exciting and potentially colourful. Trev in a Big Coutry shirt. Me in tweeds. Now Trev wears the tweed and I dress like a big- oh,it doesn’t even work. it’s an awful attempt at a joke. I’d have to drop off the “ry” bit, remove an extraneous “o”. And even after all that work the punchline would remain untrue. I don’t even know what one would dress like. That drag act on Britain’s Got Talent? No, not Simon Cowell!

Don’t worry. The standard will be better tomorrow. Or maybe not. Anyways, we are meeting up after not seeing each other for fourteen and a half years so we’ll have lots to talk about. For one, I’ve had my whole body tattooed, from head to foot. The tattoos are all pictures of blotchy pinkywhite skin. it cost me a fortune and I look the same.

I must stop. I’m going mad. It’s food deprivation. I haven’t eaten for weeks. Or is it hours? One of the two. I always get them mixed up.

I’m off to the cafe, but not the one pictured above. I wonder where it is. It could be Central Cafe on Peter Street in Manchester. or in Peter Street on Manchester. Guess it depends on the point of view. Bye.

Trev and Simon Podcast No.4 to be recorded at Tate Modern

Tomorrow, April Fools’ Day, we will record the Trev and Simon podcast, to be called Trev and Simon Podcast No.4, at the Tate Modern. Not really. Only joking. Can you tell?

Yes really, we will be recording it, but not at Tate Modern. We’ll be at our usual place. Andrea’s flat. That’s not her flat on the left. It’s a cell in Alacatraz. I’d happily live there. I wouldn’t want all the bad prison stuff; the violence, the tough love. That wouldn’t be for me. I’d like to live there now, as a tourist attraction. At night I’d have the place all to myself, and during the day I could chat to the visitors, pretending to be a notorious criminal who took money and jewels, but only from bankers. I’d be an imprisoned folk hero, etching, sketching, painting, writing, harmonica playing. If needed I could put on an American accent. “Gee whizz fellas, it was me that did do it. You talkin’ to me? Funny how? Funny why? Funny where? Funny what? Hey, Noodles! Why-y-y, royale with cheese!” That kind of thing.

The Nazis

Followers of the Trev and Simon Podcast may have noticed that we can go on a bit about the Nazis- although they go unmentioned in our latest, Podcast No.3, found here. We don’t like them, and anyone who does is nuts. I guess we were born into a generation that started to mock them in an attempt to remove them of any credibility whatsoever. I would have been quite happy to blame John Cleese and his “don’t mention the war” for my interest. And who else in the world of comedy has had a go at the goose-stepping fools? Charlie Chaplin, Mel Brooks, Roberto Begnini, Freddie Starr, Dan Ayckroyd, John Belushi, Steven Spielberg, Spike Milligan. Oh, any comedian, film maker, comic strip writer. They’re all to blame for putting the Nazis into my comedy consciousness.

Except they’re not. It seems they’ve been on my mind since my schooldays. I blame the teachers. And why only a B+?

Trev and Simon Podcast No.3

Our third podcast is up and running over on the Trev and Simon blog. You can find it here. After two weeks of no caffeine (a blood pressure thing) I decided to go caffeine crazy on podcast day last Thursday. And I think it shows. Sorry Trev. Sorry Andrea. Sorry listeners. Actually, can it show? I’ll change that. I think it hears. No, that’s not right. I think you hears. That’ll do.

We all make mistakes

Years ago, possibly last century, I had a made-to-measure leather coat made. Made to measure me. Made by Rocky. He’s a tailor in Hong Kong. He did a good job. He made me the coat I wanted. But, really, it’s unwearable. Did I think I was Tony Hadley? Or Bryan Ferry? Or Tom Cruise in Valkyrie? (I can’t bring myself to think of myself as a bad Nazi). I’d be a good nazi, with an eye patch, no desire for war and a love of all people. I’m sure that’s what Bryan Ferry meant when he said he liked their fashions. Never order a leather coat from his son, Otis the Aardvark (is that his name?) He’d make you a coat out of squirming squirrels and flailing foxes.

If this self indulgent and hurried post is of any interest to anyone, and you’d like to know more, take a look at the photos and stories onthe Trev and Simon blog. You’ll find the Podcast there too, where we discuss the coat in further detail. And a leather coat-based poll. Right, must race off to pool. We, the JFK Rejects, take on JFK’s. A big match we cannot be expected to win. But never underestimate the Rejects.

Spot the difference

Andrea Mann Podcast Producer

Nana Mouskouri Greek Singer

Trev and Simon Podcast No.2 can be heard

On Thursday I did my second podcast with Trev. We rambled on and on about all sorts of nonsense; I’m barely aware of what I say until I listen to it back. Still, it’s out there now along with all my dirty laundry, which I somehow or other managed to discuss. What happened to all those snappy satirical comments I had lined up? Oh, that’s right, I had none.

After having written on our Trev and Simon blog I am out of writing for here. Here’s some pics. Andrea, our producer and third part of our act (maybe she’s the And’ in Trev And Simon). A cat who visited; friendly, lives downstairs, but really just wants food. This cat spent a lot of time sniffing Andrea’s fridge. And Trev looking menacing with a pointy knife. You can find Trev and Simon Podcast No.2 here.